I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
