got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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