Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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