Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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