oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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