He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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