I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
