Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Text me some of your sweat
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
