you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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