My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
