Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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