there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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