CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
