i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
