Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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