just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
