i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
