WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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