i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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