You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
