She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
