Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
