I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
