Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
