I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
