i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
