wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
