Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
