Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
