i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
