im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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