My sheets look like a crime scene.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
