Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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