my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
