i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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