wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
