So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
