He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
