he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
