I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
