In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
