somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
