this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
