Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
