i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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