He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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