Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
