I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
