I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
