You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
