I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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