I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
