Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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