Non-Jews are for practice
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
